It’s Okay to Fantasize About Other People When You’re in a Relationship
Sexual variety is the spice of life, but we also need to respect commitments and boundaries
Heads up: one of the AMA questions I got was, “A wife's erotic thoughts about the other men she's had while having sex with her husband.” I’m not sure if you wanted a story or an explanation or what. So I decided to republish this old article that’s both. I hope it’s what you were asking about. If not, use the long-form Wild & Sexy Suggestion Form so you have plenty of room to explain what you’re looking for.
My partner and I have an incredible arrangement. We’re open, honest, and upfront about everything in our sex lives. We talk to each other about all the things that go on in the dark crevices of our minds. All of our sexual kinks are out in the open. No fantasy is off-limits. And when we lay together in bed at night, that’s when we let our freak flags fly.
The intimacy of building a relationship like this is difficult to put into words. It’s hard to describe how wonderful (and arousing) it is to be with someone that I can be totally sexually open with. I’ve had partners I could be open with like this in the past, but I’ve also had partners where I felt like my sexuality was something to be shamed unless it catered to their ego in some way.
People have said the nastiest things to me because their delicate and fragile selves had been challenged by the simple fact that I was a sexual being, someone who has her own sex life that doesn’t always involve them.
The people who think the universe revolves around them make me sad.
Recently, I was writing a draft for a story about anal sex. Backdoor love, how taboo? It always gets me in the mood. And it was the perfect setting for me to accidentally turn myself on. Whenever I write, I take a trip back in time. I scan my memories and recall my own sexual history in intimate, juicy detail. When I’m writing about sex, I have to put myself into a sexual state of mind. The feeling is invigorating and liberating.
I feel alive and free, at liberty to wander through the halls of my own mind where I can play all the naughty games I want to play. In the world of my mind, I can take the sex of fantasy in any direction I want. There are no limits. I have no boundaries.